How to Write a Healthy Romance

HelloOoOo everybody!

Today, I am discussing a topic that is near and dear to my heart, and that is healthy romantic relationships. You guys already know how I feel about the widespread romanticizing of abusive relationships. It's been on trend for a while now, and it makes me rage.

“He stalked me, how romantic!”

“He nearly broke my arm, swoon!”

Now, some writers feel that the only way to make a romantic relationship interesting is to make it toxic. But if you genuinely believe this, you might suck at relationships or at writing. Or probably both! People aspire toward healthy relationships because they are enjoyable, they're fun, and they're sexy. So if you're planning on writing a relationship with the intention of romanticizing it, it should be healthy. I'm counting down some of the most important tips to writing a healthy romance because we're sick of douchebag love stories, and they need to die.

A few disclaimers: I will be using couples as examples throughout this video, but please keep in mind that all of these tips apply to polyamorous relationships as well. I'm also going to be skipping over relationship dynamics that should be a given, like honesty and loyalty. If you don't know loyalty is important, I've got nothing for ya. Instead, I'm focusing on the traits that are most often neglected in fiction, which leads to couples that shouldn't be romanticized at all, because they're gross.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4l4YHoO7nNA

This video is sponsored by Audible. As always, all opinions are my own.

If you haven’t already, don’t forget to also subscribe to my YouTube channel for more writing tips, sarcasm, and of course, more of Princess Butters!

Number 1: Consent

The fact that I even need to mention this makes me want to die. If your characters do anything physical, there needs to be clear consent from all parties.

“But Jennaaa, he said no, but deep down he meant yes.”

Don't care, that's assault.

“But Jennaaa, she said no, but she ended up enjoying it.”

Don't care, still assault.

For some reason, writers struggle with this. They think they need to write consent like, “Hello, will you engage in coitus with me?” “Yes, I would be delighted if you put your penis inside of me.”

It's really not that awkward. Consent happens every day, and it can be sweet, romantic, or sexy. Asking for consent can be as simple as a shy “Can I kiss you?” But there are a million other ways to do it. I gave a few examples in my sex scene video, but how about a few more examples for good measure?

“I want you so badly.”

“Then take me!”

“Ooh, what are you thinking about?”

“Your lips on my lips."

"There's no one here. No one has to know.”

“Undress me, Edwardo, I long to feel your body pressed to mine.”

“I cannot! For if I dare, I will ravish you with fiery passion.”

“Oh, but ravish me! It's all I ever wanted.”

“Come, my love. To the bed!”

There's really no excuse not to include consent, because it's so easy to show that both parties are excited for whatever shenanigans are going down.

Number 2: Equality

Your characters do not need to be identical. They don't need to come from the same income bracket, they don't need to have the same level of education, but they do need to bring an equal amount of value to the relationship. There are a lot of stories out there where the leading lady has a good job, she's got nice friends, she has a lot going for her. But then she finds herself an emotionally unstable bad boy, who likes to punch walls, start bar fights, and hump anything with a cooter. But he has a six-pack, so it evens out, right?

If you're going to write a healthy relationship, that means these characters need to see one another as equals and bring an equal amount of goods to the table. Additionally, not only should they be equals in worth, but they should also be making an equal amount of effort. If one person always texts, or always pays, or always saves the other person from certain death—that's a mess.

Now, keep in mind, there will come a time in every relationship where things get unbalanced. Maybe one character loses their job, so the other one has to carry the financial burden for a while. Maybe one ends up in the hospital, so their partner has to be the one to offer physical and emotional support. It's fine if this happens, but their relationship should not revolve around one person constantly mothering the other.

Number 3: Respect

Respect does not mean blind worship; it means having a strong regard for another person's feelings and rights. Thus, if your character is upset, their love interest should give a shit. None of those dismissive brush-offs like, “Oh, women are so emotional,” or “He's so cute when he's mad.”

They don't trivialize their partner's needs. They don't shame them for how they feel. They treat them like a person they actually care for and admire. Respect can be shown in the simplest ways. For example, if one of them is upset, the other one can ask, "What's wrong? Is there anything I can do?" Or maybe the character asks their partner for input on plot-related activities because, oddly enough, they value their opinion.

I've said this in the past, but a healthy romantic relationship exists between two people who are, first and foremost, good friends. And that's largely because of respect. The best friendships are between people who share a deep respect for one another. And it's the same deal with romantic relationships.

Number 4: Fighting

No matter how healthy a relationship is, there are going to be arguments, but the difference between a healthy relationship and a dysfunctional one is how they handle their arguments. First, while healthy couples do fight occasionally, they usually don't fight nearly as much as dysfunctional couples.

Second, when they do fight, certain things do not happen. Physical harm in any form is a no-go. If you've included this in your story, you've written an abusive relationship. Then there's verbal abuse: manipulation, gaslighting, and derogatory name-calling are not okay.

“But Jennaaa, sometimes when you fight you say things you don't mean.”

That's true, and even in healthy relationships, people are gonna to mess up. But there's a big difference between being momentarily rude or hurtful and being abusive. If your characters are going to fight, even if they overreact or put their foot in their mouths, be sure that they say and do things that warrant forgiveness.

Which brings us to apologizing because people in healthy relationships admit when they shit the bed. A proper apology includes a full admission of guilt. They need to own their mistake, express remorse, and then offer to change their behavior. Then they need to actually change their behavior. Again, this is provided the mistake doesn't cross the threshold from forgivable to a deal breaker. If your character slept with their partner's best friend, I think the forgiveness ship has sailed.

Number 5: Communication

People in healthy relationships talk about stuff. Isn't that weird? I know you wanna write a leading man who is hard and stoic, but in the real world, people with no emotional outlet are prone to explosive violence, and have no control over their feelings, like babies. Sooooo masculine, amiright?!

Instead, why don't you write about two mature adults who actually tell one another how they feel? What a concept! Not only will this make the romantic relationship healthier, it'll make both characters far more likable. There are few things worse than going through four books waiting for the characters to finally admit their love for one another, but they won't do it because talking is hard. And look, miscommunication is going to happen, but it doesn't need to last for hundreds of pages. If it does, these characters probably shouldn't be together because they're clearly too immature for a relationship.

Number 6: Happiness

Books are loaded with conflict, that's literally what drives the plot. But if we're to believe these characters are in a healthy relationship, that means they need to be happy together. This doesn't mean that they're happy in general, or that their problems magically disappear. It just means that the love interest has a positive impact on them. There are so many books that feature love stories where the couple never have a single happy moment, it's constant drama and pain. And if that's the case, why are they together?

A relationship should bring the best out of you. So amid all the hell you're putting your characters through, write an instance where they're enjoying each other's company. Or where they're actually better because they're together. It's such a simple detail, yet it gets overlooked far too often.

So that's all I've got for you today!

There are so many more things that go into writing a healthy romance, but right now we're talking about the things that everyone seems to screw up. Equal standing, basic communication, oh my god—consent! Why are people not writing this? Let's make healthy romances the new trend in fiction because they're entertaining to read and because they don't make me want to jump out a window.

A huge thank you to Audible for sponsoring today's video. You can get your first audiobook for free when you try Audible for 30 days. All you have to do is visit audible.com/jennamoreci or text ‘Jenna Moreci’ to 500-500. Information is listed right here.

*This post is sponsored by Audible. As always, all opinions are my own.

#writingromance #CyborgQueen #JennaMoreci

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CHECK OUT THE SAVIOR'S SISTER:

AMAZON

AUDIBLE

B&N

Apple Books

Kobo

Google Play

Indigo

IndieBound

Other stores