How to Deal with the Negative Voice in Your Head Saying You're Not Good Enough
- Jenna Moreci
- 2 days ago
- 7 min read
HelloOoOo everybody!
One question that I seem to get all the time is: “How do I get rid of the negative voice in my head that's constantly telling me I'm not good enough?” And to that I say, hell if I know. If you figure it out, send me a message because Lord knows I need it.
The truth is, I know tons of writers. Some are bestsellers, and some are just getting started. And every single one of them deals with issues like self-doubt, imposter syndrome, insecurity, mental illness, neurodivergence, or other issues that can create this negative voice. Even if you're not a writer, it’s really common to doubt your instincts and skills. And there isn’t some kind of magic switch that just makes this go away.
I think it's a bit more realistic to learn how to write or draw or whatever else, despite this negative voice, and I'm breaking down my tips and tricks for doing that right now. Let's dive into my tips for how to write your book, even though your brain is being a bully.
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Number 1: Do the Thing Anyway
A lot of writers wait for inspiration or a day when they feel confident. And to that I say, that sounds like a supreme waste of time. If I waited for a good day to write, I probably wouldn’t have any books published. The key isn't eliminating the negative voice; it's writing anyway. Grit your teeth, clench your butt cheeks, and just start writing the book. It's not going to be pleasant at first, but plenty of parts of the creative process are unpleasant. No one guaranteed this was going to be a walk in the park.
A lot of people really don't like it when I tell them that this is my solution. That I write the book, despite the fact that I feel like a shit bag. And that makes sense because no one wants to feel like a shit bag. But your options are to wait for a perfect day that may never come, or to start writing right now while you're feeling crappy. And then maybe, possibly, you might end up finishing the book.
We do lots of things in life when we don't feel great. You've got a cold or seasonal depression, or you're hungover, but you still have to go to work or take a test or take care of the kids. And to be honest, some of the best scenes I've ever written were written on the days when that negative voice was driving me crazy. I felt completely out of my depth writing one scene from The Savior's Army. And now, not only is it by far my favorite scene in the entire book, but it also ended up being the favorite scene among most of my beta readers.
Number 2: Sit With the Feeling
I started recommending this after about a year of ERP, or Exposure Response Therapy, which is a specialized therapy designed for people with OCD. It's me. I'm a person with OCD.
A lot of people assume OCD is just being super clean and organized, and it can kind of manifest in that way. But I like to joke that OCD is overthinking to a diagnostic degree. Sometimes OCD can manifest as playing super damaging and hurtful thoughts over and over again. And for me personally, this can make writing feel impossible. I'll get so in my head that I feel anxious to write, or I'll just avoid writing altogether so that I can avoid those awful feelings or avoid thinking those awful thoughts.
I started ERP, and a big chunk of it requires you to sit with that feeling you've been trying to avoid. Instead of trying to push those doubts away, I allow myself to think them. To be clear, I don't spiral into the feeling. Spiraling looks like this. "Oh my God, I suck. I'm the worst. Holy shit. My life is over. I'm a failure. I'm a mess. This is the end of the world.”
I sit with the thoughts, and that looks like this. "There is a chance my book might not be good. People might not like it. It might not sell.”
When I do this, after a while, the thoughts and feelings just kind of go away on their own. Of course, when I first started trying this, it was awful. But with every repetition, it gets easier and easier.
To be 100% clear, I am not a therapist or a medical professional. I am not diagnosing you with OCD. Nor am I recommending that you start ERP in any capacity. I'm just saying that sometimes it helps to face the negative thoughts as opposed to constantly running away from them. At least for me. It's about developing a thick skin. You build a tolerance to that negative voice, and it stops having power over you. It can be as mean as it likes, but you've heard it all before, so now you're kind of over it.
Number 3: Reassurance Only Goes So Far
I’m speaking from a place of extreme bias because one of my OCD compulsions is to seek reassurance. I'll either want my own thoughts or someone else to completely contradict whatever horrible things are being repeated in my brain. Now, the odds are, you probably don't have OCD. I'm just sharing my perspective because even though it's unique, it might be helpful.
Reassurance absolutely has its place. I think a lot of us sometimes need to hear that we're doing okay. We're good enough. We can do it. But if you're heavily relying on reassurance to produce any writing at all, it might be time to have an honest conversation with yourself. There isn't always going to be someone around to cheer you on, and you're not always going to be able to get your mind to agree with you.
Which ultimately comes back to my first two points, which is writing even though you're feeling bad about yourself and being okay with the fact that you're not feeling your best. Again, reassurance can be great. If you have a supportive friend or partner, let them hype you up. But you shouldn't be relying on other people's support to get you moving. And if you are, it's possible reassurance has become a crutch for you, which can make it really hard to be productive long term.
Number 4: Create a Habit, Schedule, or Plan
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, habit is a lot more reliable than motivation. And while we're not talking about motivation today, habit can go a long way in fighting against self-doubt or any brain gremlins you've got going on. If it's at all possible, try to create some type of writing habit and be consistent. Whether that means carving out four hours of writing every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, or writing every weekday morning for an hour, or maybe writing every Friday evening, and then the whole of Saturday and Sunday.
If you're not in a position to be able to create a writing habit, that's fine. But I still recommend at least planning your writing sessions ahead of time. Comb through your schedule and select specific dates and times when you plan to write. And when that time comes around, unless your house is on fire, write! No matter if you're lacking confidence, no matter if that voice in your head is telling you this book will never see the light of day, write anyway because your schedule says you have to.
For me, planning these writing sessions ahead of time prevents me from making excuses. I can't say I don't have enough time because I literally made the time. And I can't say I don't feel like it because that's just a bitch-ass thing to do. For a lot of people, lists and calendars hold them accountable. And if that's the case for you, then planning your writing sessions ahead of time is the way to go.
Number 5: I Don’t Know if You Saw This Coming, but Maybe Seek Professional Help
I don't mean this flippantly. I literally have two therapists, one for CPTSD and one for OCD. Virtually everyone on the planet experiences self-doubt in some form, but if yours is debilitating to the point where you can't seem to enjoy the things that used to bring you joy, or you are constantly struggling to get anything accomplished, or you just kind of feel like a failure, it's possible there's something unchecked going on in your noggin, and it may be a good idea to have a look. Again, it could be run-of-the-mill imposter syndrome or insecurity, but it could also be an anxiety disorder, depression, or neurodiversity. Pretty much all the writers I have a close relationship with are either neurodiverse or have a mental illness, or both, like me.
Again, I cannot stress this enough. I am not here to diagnose you. I just know that if I had sought help a decade sooner, things would have been a lot easier for me. If this isn't a concern for you, fantastic. I am envious of your chemically balanced brain. But if you're unsure and you have the means, I say go for it. Your brain is a very important organ. And it's not embarrassing. I mean, if you would go to the doctor for the flu, why wouldn't you go for depression? I'm just saying.
So that's all I've got for you today!
A lot of factors play into how motivated we are to write, and each of these tips has its own place in your arsenal of self-encouragement. How do you combat your self-doubt? I’d love to hear it in the comments!
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